BrandonGPT To Provide Extracurricular Activity Planning for Chicago’s Youth

April 16, 2023

Generative AI to encourage the mostly peaceful use of city parks and streets and insure riots and looting are never covered by the Chicago Tribune.

From the Desk of Brandon Johnson (Fake mayor-elect, City of Chicago)

There’s only so much one mayor-elect can do to see that our parks and lakefront are put to good use.

Which is why I am excited to announce BrandonGPT, an artificial intelligence (AI) Large Language Model (LLM) solution for Chicago’s youth to better take advantage of all the Northside and Lakefront has to offer and to insure the local news does not cover any misinformation.

But hold that thought for a minute.

I was so excited at the mostly peaceful use of the lakefront this past Friday night (it’s a shame non-stolen Tesla batteries are catching fire in cars) that I took to Twitter on Saturday morning to further encourage our city’s youth to take back what is rightfully their own:

Even though I’m not yet mayor, Chicago’s youth are already heeding my wishes the same day!

And a giant shout-out to the Chicago Tribune and The Sun-Times for not even covering the news of this weekend’s festivities with a slam dunk double feature on either Friday or Saturday nights.

If a riot and looting fails to make the news, it never happened. That’s journalism equity for you!

But there’s more to it.

And BrandonGPT might have something to do with it.

BrandonGPT is built on top of Auto-GPT (recently released) that allows AIs to work together autonomously to achieve a desired goal while interacting with other applications and capabilities on the Internet.

For example, I’m using AutoGPT to plan and schedule an offsite with Twinkle and Cabrini focused on police accountability.

Auto-GPT found potential progressive friendly venues, wrote a sample agenda, recommended opening land acknowledgment statements, selected potential meals and drinks (Hennessy VSOP baby!) and even suggested a private security company (since it detected enough chatter to suggest the police are no longer loyal to us).

In short: BrandonGPT is a more equitable version of AutoGPT because it acknowledges the historical racism and inequities in Chicago.

And out-of-the-box, it recommends sample prompts and tasks to our city’s youth:

For example, ask BrandonGPT to Arrange a Party Tonight in Millennium Park or the Lakefront.

First, it will look at police staffing levels in each District. Next, BrandonGPT will select the areas with the fewest coppers and pick a venue all while checking out real-time stock levels at local Walgreens and Targets. After all, why take what inventory is rightfully yours if there is not anything you want in stock?

Finally, it will invite everyone on Snapchat / Insta and then automatically phone in 911 calls across town to draw Chicago’s finest in the other direction right as the festivities get started as the car fires, bus jumping and celebratory gunfire begin. 

We’re also rolling out a “jail-break” version of BrandonGPT which lives up to its name. So on the .001 percent chance you get caught for enjoying all our city has to offer, jail-break AI Brandon will leap into gear with Cabrini’s office.

Even before you’re booked at the station, it will request a specific youth friendly Cook County Assistant State Attorney.

Next, it will come up with your plea statement (e.g., “systemic racism and colonial oppressor Elon Musk led me to firebomb the Tesla”) and push a statement to Heidi Stevens and the Chicago Tribune about how the arresting officer violated your civil rights by micro-aggressing you.

Finally, it will file a report with COPA to ensure officer friendly spends the rest of his days behind bars (and that you, the victim, get a seven figure settlement).

And all while making sure the bigger story of the entire lakefront and downtown being taken over by mostly peaceful youth never sees the light of day.

Because that would be racist.

Just like this weekend when the only coverage in the Trib of any “protest” in the Loop was for those rallying in favor of keeping coat hangers 100% safe and effective.

Let’s go BrandonGPT!

The mayor’s office would like to remind you that satire is a form of demonizing youth who have otherwise been starved of opportunities in their own communities.

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