Lori Lightfoot: The Sausage King of Chicago

March 4, 2022

Mayor defends the size of her Columbus

“You make some kind of secret agreement with Italians. ... You are out there stroking your d***s over the Columbus statue … My d*** is bigger than yours and the Italians, I have the biggest d*** in Chicago.”

Lori Lightfoot, Mayor of Chicago (quotation as cited in a lawsuit against the Mayor and the City of Chicago)

Image Source: Chicago Contrarian

From the desk of Fake Lori: 

That’s right. I’ve got a big d**k. And there is nothing you white people who didn’t even go to law school can do to cut me down to size. 

It has come to my attention that some people are suing me for defamation and pointing out my tirades against Italian Americans.

The nerve of these W*p, d*go pasta-eating mother f*****s.

Just because I have a big d**k does not mean I am a racist against all of those Italian Americans and their tiny schlo*gs.

It is impossible for black people to be racist. Reverse discrimination and racism does not exist. It can’t. This is one of the very core tenants of anti-racism. 

Black people cannot be racist. Ever. 

My anaconda is my business and my business only. If I want to pistol whip these guine*s with my strap on, that'd be my right.

Now some may accuse me of being well endowed, but if I want to lay it on the table in a Zoom meeting to prove it, that’s my business.

Now let’s get to Columbus (not my Columbus).

Christopher Columbus was a racist, pre-colonist capitalist. We all know this country was founded in 1619 on the back of slaves, not some sponger papist.

Taking down his two statues was one of the highlights of my initial term in office. 

And if I want to keep them hidden from the public, I can do that just as quickly as you can say Jean-Baptiste Pointe DuSable Lake Shore Drive.  

The Mayor’s Office would like to remind you that satire is a form of flaccid white fragility. 

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