White Supremacists Take Millennium Park
An affront to the people’s revolution, blue and yellow flags popping up across Chicago
From the Desk of Fake Lori:
It has come to my attention that white people are protesting in Millennium Park. They are waving a flag that I have never seen before which appears to be a new symbol of racism.
It is blue and yellow.
While I cannot identify its origins, yellow is a racist color, as my artist friends point out.
I know firsthand that blue is racist as well, otherwise the CPD would not wear it. This is why we de-emphasize the police (I have been told by The Party I can’t say “defund” anymore).
Blue and yellow false-flag microaggressions aside, I am particularly concerned these protesters are not mostly peaceful, but actually peaceful.
No windows have been broken, Burberry’s has not had its inventory redistributed in the past 24 hours and there are no reports of any carjackings this morning (thanks, Tom, for your great work at the autoshow!)
This must be white supremacy's calm before the storm. A repeat of January 6th must be coming.
But I promise you, escalation will not be tolerated and I have instructed the CTU, led by hero of the cultural revolution, Jesse Sharkey, to use their paramilitary arm to reclaim the equity high ground (later this year, Jesse will step down from his official role and officially take over “CPS dark ops”).
Coordinating assets on the ground globally with our allies, my comrades within the CTU are already working with my good friend Vlad in the spirit of Denazification by ensuring the practice of anti-racism in the classroom and the decanonization of Western texts.
I really do need to thank CPS again for all of its work in re-education of our youth as we work to end post-colonialism in the classroom. As Lenin remarked, in his native Russian: “Give me a child for the first 5 years of his life and he will be mine forever.”
As you know, anti-racism is a modern fulfillment of Marxism, of which I am forever grateful for. My personal hero, Nikita Khrushchev, once proclaimed: “Comrades: We must abolish the cult of the individual decisively, once and for all.”
In the spirit of our Comrades, we must honor departed Party members, stop systemic racism and drive equitable outcomes once and for all, crushing the opposition and reclaiming breakaway republics.
Finally, I do not need to remind any of you that this entire situation is a poignant reminder for all of us to never give interviews to white journalists.
The Mayor's Office would like to remind you that satire is a form of misinformation and a threat to my truth.