Down and Out in Paris and London

July 18, 2022

Chicago mayor crosses the pond: UK Dispatch

From the Desk of Fake Lori:

I’m in London, and I feel at home.

James Boswell, some old white man who chronicled the life of some other oppressor, Samuel Johnson, both of whom CPS has successfully canceled as part of honors English (as part of its cultural appropriation campaign), once said something to the effect of when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Well, since my Johnson (pronouns: ze, zhem, zheres) identifies as a man, I had to put London on my bucket list. That is, until I learned the truth about Ben, thanks to one late night Rodney Dangerfield rerun:

“My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.”

Drat. I was looking forward to seeing how Big Ben measured up to America’s Mayor.

Regardless, London has much to offer. And we had no problem booking at my favorite waffle place, Zizi’s.

Known for its creative waffle shapes, Zizi’s made a special one to honor Chicago’s Mayor.

After sizing my thing up at Zizis compared to the Italians, we were carjacked on the way to Klub Verboten, which made me feel right at home (but the police actually do their jobs here, unlike at home).

After fighting off the remnants of a latex fused evening with a much needed cup of tea, I decided to fight systemic oppression by visiting my good friend Jeremy Corbyn, a true gentleman and former Labour Party leader who knows precisely what to do with the Jewish problem in major cities.

I’m thinking of taking Jeremy’s lessons back to Chicago, since all but the most progressive die-hards on the North Side have stopped giving to my campaign.

Speaking of primary and secondary schools and the Jewish donation problem, I also learned a thing or two – at the behest of CPS – on additional remedies we can bring to atone for Jewish and white privilege in Chicago Selective Enrollment high schools from a former head of a famous London School (Robin Applyby).

Robin has agreed to help CTU next year bring a similar program to Chicago to show that Anti-Semitism and racism are indeed different and how Jews can atone for their white privilege, alongside studying The Real Holocaust.

After my meeting with Robin, we had a stop at the Tate Modern, where I found the docents so professional compared to the Art Institute of Chicago. I wish I could put my finger on why.

Regardless, everyone should visit The Tate, which has done a great job of exploring intersectionality, tearing down the patriarchy and glorifying post colonial birthing people!

I certainly found something to my liking and you will too.

I’m off to Paris for my next dispatch!


Image Sources: Down and Out in Paris and London, Harper Collins, First Edition, Instagram, Chicago Contrarian and Twitter

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